Adventures in My Invisible Suit, Part 1

Riding the bus back to my apartment, pretending to concentrate on the crossword puzzle, but actually staring out the window wondering why I ever went to law school (the bus passed by my school, but all I saw was a big vortex, sucking money out of my wallet).

While pseudo-concentrating, I found myself fixating on the smallest and most orange/tan ankles I had seen north of the Mason-Dixon line. Like the stealth ogler I am, I followed the ankles, up to the capri-pant laden knee, up to the North Face fleece jacket and settled on to the face of...oh crap, none other than the new wife of an old fling, Mr. Serious. Mr. Serious and I go way back, well, pre-2000, and ours was a tortured fling. A fling that I know my fellow bus passenger knows about, since friends have suggested to her that Mr. Serious and I were soul mates and in love, even on her very own wedding day! Right. (As a side note, I am sure Holden is my only soul mate, take that Mr. Serious! To you too Mrs. Serious!)

Gaze immediately averts anywhere else, I am back to the crossword puzzle, furrowing the brows for good measure, even chewing on the end of the pen, hell, I am SOLVING this puzzle...and I can feel her staring at me. Minutes pass by, she is looking and then intentionally not looking! Say what? I AM IGNORING YOU, NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND!!

I don’t know about you, but I am quite content being the Ignorer. I almost think I invented that role. My selective gaze and hearing are unparalleled, particularly when in areas with a known density of law school classmates.

Being the Ignored, however? That is not the way it works. I was always nice to her, even explained my and others’ jokes to her in one sentence or less. I nodded approvingly at the jeans she got on sale for $17 at Bloomingdales, rather than telling her why they were still left on the sale rack on the last day of the sale! And now, I am Ignored. I guess being the last known person to make out with your husband lands me in my invisible suit for the rest of the ride home.