Life, v.1.0

I think we all have a picture of how our life will be. I call this my version 1.0 of life. In this version, I grow up, move out of my awkward gangly phase into a gorgeous woman, have a successful career, meet a sweet man, get married, have many babies, grow old gracefully, spoil many grand-children and hold hands with previously mentioned sweet man on the porch of our home until we die. (Sorry for the abrupt ending)

Version 1.0 definitely hit a few snags, which I am sure I will discuss later. Overall, though, 1.0 was progressing fairly well. I could check off growing up, I could check off gangly, because I covered my string-bean limbs with a nice layer of womanly fat. Career was in progress, but at least I had finished grad school (twice!), and married a sweet man.

And then, like any beta version, 1.0 came to a crashing halt. Total meltdown, if you will. Sweet man turned out to be a sociopath (in the professional opinion of two experts). I lost my womanly fat and turned back into a string-bean. And I mentally checked out of my career to lick my wounds. S (Sweet man, Sociopath and his first initial) and I divorced, and suddenly 1.0 was kicked to the curb.

I don't want to get all sentimental about what 2.0 looks like, not yet anyway. It is in the works, and is a much more flexible program than 1.0 (i.e., it has no discernible beginning, middle or end). But 1.0 is part of my hardware. Even though I no longer operate in that version of my life, I still have flashes of it every now and then, and I still feel a sense of loss, especially in regard to some parts of 1.0, mainly the babies and the porch. So if I refer to v. 1.0, you now know what I mean....if you are still with me and not sick of my tech analogies.