Good-bye Life, v.1.0

I am selling my wedding dress today. I held the lame delusion that the idea of banking some much-needed money from the sale would distract me from the sadness of selling the dress. Yeah, not so much. In fact, the whole process of taking the dress out of the bag, photographing it, etc. has been so much harder than I anticipated. It seems like whenever I think I am over “my big mistake” something else comes up and makes me go back to square one in my recovery process.

There were times when I thought the dress would be given to my daughters, maybe made into their wedding veils. Then there were times I thought it would make lovely, if not a little scratchy, toilet paper. I thought about setting it on fire while belting out “I will survive,” squirting fake ketchup blood all over it and mailing it to S, and in my weakest moments I thought maybe I could just keep it in the back of my closet and forget about it. That last idea was definitely the worst. I think my dad was right when he told me that I needed to cut S out of my life and rid myself of him and all that reminds me of him. Obviously, my wedding dress not only reminds me of S, but of a life I won’t have...and one that I truly believed I was going to have. It can only make me wonder what could have been, what should have been and make me feel like I have somehow come up short in all those areas.

Well, my friends, I do not need an overpriced (although boob-enhancing!) reminder of those things, that’s what my obsessive-compulsive brain is for!